'I don't feel like I should dedicate my life to you guys': Mom lets 20-year-old sister move in with her family on the condition she provides childcare, she protests when she's expected to babysit

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Sep 25, 2025 9:00 PM EDT

Living with siblings as an adult can sometimes prove a challenge for everybody involved. Even those with close relationships are not immune to being pulled into the petty squabbles that come with being at close quarters with family members, and on top of that, the disagreements between adults are likely to be a heck of a lot more significant than those between kids. Add to this the fact that many people would not choose to live with family unless they do not really have any other choice, and there is plenty of potential for conflict.

More often than not, when somebody lives with an adult sibling, they expect them to contribute to the household in some way. This can take many different forms. This ranges from the obvious, like paying rent, to the more specific, like cooking or babysitting. This contribution not being adequately fulfilled is normally the crux of any argument.

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  • a woman stands over the crib of a young child
    via Yunus Tuğ (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • This was the case between two sisters when the older one, who was a wife and mother, agreed to let her move in with her husband and kids on the condition that she would watch her younger child for a weekly stipend.

    While the younger sister initially agreed to the agreement, she soon claimed it was too demanding on her mental health, and her duties dropped down to occasional babysitting only. 

    Two years later, she was working again, but contributing little to the household in terms of chores or finances. When she complained about being expected to babysit on one occasion after work, her older sibling began to wonder if it would be wrong to ask her to move out.

  • Am I wrong if I asked my sister to leave my house since she refuses to watch my kids?

    A little background story. I (27F) married my husband (32M). Have two kids (11F) and (2M). Two years ago I asked my little sister who was 20 at the time and she will turn 22 in a month to come live with us and help out with kids as I needed. She was in an ab**** relationship she needed a place to stay. At first it was for her to get back on her feet since shes getting out of
    via Glad-Price-5340
  • the situation. The initial thing was that we will pay her $200/week to watch our 4 months old at the time( M-F 6:30am till 2pm)and she could use my car anytime she needed to and she wanted an afternoon job that was totallyfine, she happily accepted. A month had passed and she told her shes getting depr_sed being inside every day she can't do this anymore. I
    via Glad-Price-5340
  • told her that's ok her mental health is very important. But she should be able to watch the kids when we need her to like date night, ect... found someone else to watch our kid. Fast forward two years later, she works full time, doesn't pay any bills, doesn't help around the house, not even washing the dishes or take out the trash or cook dinner or even buy groceries or things the house needs. Like no help at all.
    via Glad-Price-5340
  • a woman and a toddler play together on the floor
    via Yunus Tuğ (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Last week my husband and I went out for a bit, mind you we asked her the weekend before if she could watch the kids and she said yes. Within an hour of us being out. My husband and I received this: 'i just want to say this to get this off my chest this isnt an attack and this isnt me being ungrateful i just want you guys to try to consider my point of view. and my point of view is that i don't appreciate being used as a
    via Glad-Price-5340
  • service whenever it's convenient for yall, i understand this is "all im good for " but there are some days where i dont want to come home after a 9 hour shift and watch a baby. i didnt decide to have children. you guys did. and the only person who ever appreciates me for it and only thanks me for it is (my husband)so it has been building up inside me and causing resentment that my own sister will
    via Glad-Price-5340
  • refuse to recognize my accomplishments because its "what im supposed to do" i appreciate staying here rent free and ive appreciated the opportunity being given to me but i dont feel like i should dedicate my life to you guys. its like now im being asked to watch the kids like its already a given and that its not something i can ever say no to because when i do say no im treated like voldemort. it feels like an obligation when it should feel like a choice. i
    via Glad-Price-5340
  • felt like the time frame should have been more discussed because i was under the impression i was watching him till 630 not 930. thank you for taking the time to read this again im not attacking i just want to ask for more clarity." At this point that is all she's good for watch the kids for us for a few hours once or twice a week. And the accomplishment she's referring to is getting her high school diploma at the
    via Glad-Price-5340
  • age of 21 because she dropped out of school a few months before graduating. She still uses my cat when needed to go to her BF house or work. At this point I am fed up and just can't take it anymore. My husband tells me she is my sister and I need to handle it and he is tired of taking care of a grown as adult. So would i be the AH if i ask her to leave my house since she refuses to watch the kids when needed? I know that is long but feel free to ask any questions.
    via Glad-Price-5340
  • an unmade bed at dusk
    via Alicia Christin Gerald

  • People agreed that it was time for everyone to move on.

    koifishyfishy NTA. "It sounds like this arrangement is no longer working for everyone involved and it's time for you to find other housing". Living rent-free for two years while she works full time means she should have some savings. If she doesn't, that's on her. Give her a written notice to vacate, with the number of days required by state and/or local law, since she is considered a tenant.
    via koifishyfishy
  • TALKTOME0701 NTA She says it's a given she'll watch the kids even though you hired a nanny so she wouldn't have to watch the kids? She has enjoyed your largesse for long enough.
    via TALKTOME0701
  • Just don't frame it as a punishment. Tell her you're glad you were there for her when she needed it and after thinking about her text, you can't have her feeling used. You'd like to give her 2 months to find her own place unless she'd like to leave immediately. Put it in writing and don't back down. Don't go back and forth over what was agreed and whether or not you're angry. She doesn't deserve your energy
    via TALKTOME0701
  • She's an ungrateful a who has started to not just take it for granted but is trying to drive a wedge between you and your husband (only HE thanks me!) No. This will not do, OP. She is a drain on your resources both emotional and financial. let her go somewhere she'll get all the appreciation she thinks she deserves
    via TALKTOME0701
  • LividIdeal791 NTA― time for her to go. She has a job of her own. She can go figure out life on her own. Let her move out and then maybe you guys can be friends in the future. Her living with you will be the end of your relationship.
    via LividIdeal791
  • thirdtryisthecharm NTA if you give her warning and time to move out.
    via thirdtryisthecharm
  • Dino Master365 The audacity that your sister has is outrageous and she is absolutely ungrateful and frankly, a parasite just mooching off of your resources. NTA, she can find her own place to live and pay her own bills, food, internet, subscription, furniture, cleaning supplies, car note, and car insurance. Good luck to her.
    via DinoMaster365
  • Wrench-Turnbolt The best way for her not to dedicate her life to you is to move out
    via Wrench-Turnbolt
  • SuspiciousJuice5825 NTA. "Thanks for getting that off your chest. Since our original arrangement of you watching our kids is no longer on the table, and you've accomplished your degree and have a job, this is your official 30 day move out notice."
    via SuspiciousJuice5825
  • StatisticianOther467 NTA. Since she can't help with the kids, she needs to be charged rent for the room she's staying in. She also needs to be doing some household chores. If not, then she's gotta go.
    via StasticianOther467
  • InvisibleBlueRobot She is an adult. Let he get her own place and her own job. You don't need another kid to take care of.
    via InvisibleBlueRobot
  • Funny-Technician-320 If everything you said is true tell her to step up and there will be a cleaning and cooking schedule going forward and that she must contribute x amount for rent and utilities and do her own laundry
    via Funny-Technician-320

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family drama aita babysitter move in kids sisters babysitting chores family reddit thread Reddit entitled people
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